I’m sitting in a pink towel (actually, it’s puce; yes, definitely puce) listening to the whoops and cheers as our neighbours soak each other and passing scooters with water. On the bed are laid out various items of clothing. What does one choose from our limited wardrobe for charging about town like a maniac squirting people in the face?
Yellow Hezbollah T-shirt
Advantages: A souvenir from Beirut, this t-shirt is not too smart and with a recent cigar burn hole I’m not too bothered if it gets wet and dirty.
Disadvantages: It stinks. Every Israeli with a water gun for ten miles will converge on me.
Che Guevara T-shirt
Advantages: Fished out of the laundry bag I can cope if it gets wet and dirty. Kurds love it.
Disadvantages: It stinks. Every anti-communist with a water gun for ten miles will converge on me.
Plain Blue T-shirt
Advantages: Won’t offend anybody, except…
Disadvantages: It stinks (we really do need to do some laundry).
Advantages: Doesn’t stink and once those creases are shaken out it is reasonably smart.
Disadvantages: It is the last clean item of clothing in my bag. It’s green and if worn with the green trousers I’ll look a military wannabe.
Advantages: Loose and comfortable. Plenty of pockets.
Disadvantages: The only pair of clean trousers I have left. They will need to be worn in the evening and are going to have to last until laundries reopen after Songkran.
Advantages: Are even looser and more comfortable than the trousers. Plenty of pockets. One of the few items of clothing I own that doesn’t have a hole in it.
Disadvantages: Currently clean.
Old and Torn Shorts
Advantages: Numerous rips and tears have relegated these zip off trousers to something worn around the room – the backpacking equivalent of trackie bottoms – until ready to jump in the shower and get ready to go out. Who cares how messed up they get.
Disadvantages: They stink and are more hole than trouser. My penis frequently falls out if not worn with underpants and half a bum cheek is permanently exposed. These are going in the bin.
Advantages: Made to get wet.
Disadvantages: The sea is miles away. Inadequate pockets.
Advantages: Tough and can cope with miles and miles of running around town.
Disadvantages: Look silly if I go with the shorts and sillier if I wear the swimmers.
Advantages: Comfortable. No need to wear socks.
Disadvantages: I don’t like wearing trainers.
Advantages: Made from recycled tyres I’ve had these for ten years. They are tough and waterproof.
Disadvantages: I only have one. The shoe repairman I entrusted the other to went away on his holidays for two weeks and hasn’t come back. The bastard – and subject of a 15 minute rant recently – was supposed to be back on the 11th but it is looking likely he won’t be back until after Songkran.